The word for me to today is AMENDS. Not only that but also EVOLVING into a better person or at least the person that I want to be. I by no means think that I am a bad, or horrible person that fucked everyone over in my life. No, I know that’s not who I am .Humanely speaking, we all fuck up, have negative traits or distance people maybe we shouldnt of have. I almost think its just human nature. But I do believe we are strong enough to accept our humanely faults, and also man up to them.
Today I decided to write down, all my negative traits and slowly try and fix them. Not all at once. That would just be overwhelming. I think I actually read this somewhere, so I dont want to take complete credit for this exercise … but writing down all/ or at least most of your negative traits and one by one, trying to slowly correct them. So I’ll be honest, because as I said before, i’m going to be completely sincere and honest with my fellow bloggers. So below I’ll list some of my negative traits and eventually one by one knock them out (somehow, or at least that’s the plan) So here are six:
- critical (just usually of myself)
The good side, I guess is now that you have identified your negative traits, one by one try and conquer them. Even write out solutions that will help defeat them. I thought this was an interesting exercise, and beginning mine today. My first quality I would like to knock out : selfish. I’m not extremely selfish but at times, I do notice myself telling someone a problem or issue of mine, and when they begin telling me their problems or issues (its not that I dont care, because I sincerely do) but I’m usually am not attentive as much as I should be. I actually have been working on this for quite sometime, but can definitely improve on this. I also believe that starting this blog, has helped me with that tremendously. Because I do take time to read my fellow bloggers post/blogs more conscientiously. And I find myself understand, relating, or learning knew things every day now. … and I usually have ADD and its hard for me to read anything over 2 paragraphs. So thats one improvement !
Another thing I decided to do was make amends with people I’ve ignored or hurt somehow in the past. I have a few friends (including my sister) in the prison system. And I feel like over the past months, I’ve been neglecting them, as far as writing them, visiting,sending them money .. or even outside friends that I’ve pushed away. Not calling them, speaking to them, pretending i’m not home when they pay me an unexpected visit. I almost think of it as the snowball effect … You miss out on one letter or phone call and then another and eventually you get to this point where you are either embarrassed or ashamed .. not knowing if they will be appreciative of the late letter, or write you off and put you on the phony and unreliable list. I guess I cant speak for everyone but thats definitely how I feel in these situations. So today I will stop being a pussy and own up to the people i’ve ignored or hurt somehow, and while simultaneously working on myself!
(Please excuse the grammatical mistakes or whatever else I fucked up in this post. I haven’t finished my coffee and probably will go over to re- edit)