It is 11:14 in the morning right now, and I can’t stop beating myself up because yet again, I have missed another therapy appointment. I’m constantly confusing the days, and you’d think it be easy for me since they write it on a card after each session.
I just really wanted to see her today. I usually walk in there, with some dreadful, self-loathing, pity story and I wanted her to see a happy, somewhat improved side of me today. I kind of was looking forward to this week with Erin (therapist name). Maybe for a little appreciate? you know pat on the back, Keep up the good work! Reinforcement is nice sometimes but the idiot that I am always thinks I have something under control. I just couldn’t take a few moments this week to look at the appointment card, and see September 24th instead of the September 25th.
Its funny, I think I over react to a lot of situations, mainly because I hate looking like the bad person, or irresponsible person in a situation. I absolutely hate it. It gets to the point where I’ll start stressing impulsively over a little mistake or mishap. I supposed that’s one reason, i’m in therapy anyway. I guess I have to constantly remind myself, that its okay to make mistakes, big ones, small ones. After all, will I be punished in some barbaric head off the shoulders way? or Will I be obnoxiously screamed at with hands thrown in the air? I know none of this will happen and I’m starting to remind myself that I am human and sometimes shit just fuckin happens.